Scars
by ChristineFury
Summary: "Scars tell stories about a person's life, character and the choices that come with them. I collect them for that reason. I don't want to forget." Renegade F! Shep/Nihlus/Garrus. Mature for language, violence and adult situations.
1. Disposable

Ellen listened for a long time as the angry, desperate sound of her parents talking- no, arguing- voices reached her ears from where she was curled up at the door to her bedroom. She covered her ears as she heard something break, and her father's voice escalated. After a while, she uncovered her ears as the resounding slam of the front door shook the house. She got up and moved to the door, hearing her mother's footsteps on the stairs. The door opened and the blonde woman in the hallway smiled at her.

"Where did Daddy go?" Ellen asked. Her question was ignored as her mother strode into the room towards the dresser.

"Let's get you some outfits packed, Ellen. I'm taking you to stay the night at Rachel's," she announced.

"But Mommy, Rachel didn't ask me to come over when we were at school!" Ellen protested.

Nicole Shepard didn't look at her daughter as she put an outfit into the bright red bookbag- Ellen had adamantly refused the pink one- and after a moment's hesitation, handed Ellen her stuffed doberman. The seven year old girl clutched the toy dog to her chest happily, still looking slightly confused as she watched her mother pack her sleep clothes into her bookbag with wide grey green eyes.

"Mommy, am I in trouble?" She asked softly from behind Barkley's head. Nicole forced a smile.

"Of course not. You're going to Rachel's house to spend the night!" She said, and Ellen hid her lower face behind the stuffed dog's shoulders, hiding her uncertainty from her mother.

"I'm really sorry, Mommy. I didn't mean to do it. That big mean boy was hurting me!" She whined softly. "I didn't wanna hit the ground, and I thought it, and I didn't-"

"No, I'm well aware of what happened, Ellen, and we're not talking about it. Ever. Again."

Ellen bit back another whimper as her mother handed her the bookbag, and she followed her silently down the stairs and outside to the car. She said nothing as she loaded into the passenger seat, and they rode in silence. Ellen felt her heart race as she noticed the scenery was NOT what she was accustomed to when going to her best friend's house. The buildings were getting more and more decrepit, the streets in disrepair.

"M-mommy, where are we going?" She asked, clutching Barkley closer.

Nicole said nothing, stopping the car once they'd passed another few blocks. They were in a part of the city Ellen had never seen before. It was scary- a lot of the buildings were boarded up, spray painted or damaged. A couple- a man and a woman, both looking worse for wear- were warming their hands around a fire they'd built on the stoop of an abandoned apartment building. Both looked at the car, confusion written on their faces- a confusion that mirrored Ellen's. Ellen was terrified that her mother would stop here.

"Mommy?"

Nicole said nothing, getting out and walking around to the other side and opening the passenger door. Wordlessly, she unbuckled her daughter and pulled her from the car, setting her down on the crumbling sidewalk, then handed her the red backpack. Her eyes were cold as she shut the door, and Ellen began whimpering in earnest.

"Mommy, what's going on?" She cried, reaching out to cling at her mother's pant leg.

Nicole pushed away and headed for the driver's side of the car, not even flinching as Ellen began crying in chest heaving, shrieking sobs of terror.

"You're a freak. I won't raise a goddamn biotic. I won't be held responsible for your unnatural accidents," she said harshly as she got into the car, and driving away before Ellen could run in front of it.

Ellen stared at the taillights of the car, her chest heaving to the point that her ribs were aching with the effort, Barkley still clutched close, tears soaking his black plush coat. In the dim light of the flickering streetlight above her, his eyes seemed to be sad. Ellen crumpled to her knees, wailing with the abandon that only a broken child could muster as the red lights of her mother's car drove away, leaving her alone in the scariest part of town.

"I'M SORRY, MOMMY! I'M SORRY!" She shrieked into Barkley's fur.

A soft touch to her back made her leap up, whirling around in panic and fear. The woman and man were still by the fire, ignoring her, but an older girl, maybe about fifteen, was kneeling next to her, brown eyes sympathetic. Her black hair was in messy dreadlocks, and she wore battered jeans with scuffed leather boots. A filthy denim jacket hung on her bony frame, with holes in the elbows. She reached out to Ellen, a look of concern on her tanned face.

"Hey, kid. Got dumped like trash, didn' ya?" She asked.

Ellen hiccuped, tears dripping from her chin as she nodded. The girl's brow crinkled in sympathy and she held out her arms.

"C'mere, kid."

No one else to turn to, betrayed and abandoned by her own mother, Ellen ran into the girl's arms. The girl rubbed her back, making a soothing sound.

"Hey, easy kid. Don' worry. Yer okay. The Reds will take care o'ya."

She pulled back and wiped tears off Ellen's face.

"Why'd she leave ya, kid?"

Ellen hiccuped again.

"A big boy pushed me off the jungle gym and I thought 'I don't wanna get hurt!' and I started glowin' and kinda floated," She managed between hiccups.

The girl lifted both brows.

"Biotic, huh? Poor kid. Well, you'll have a place in the Reds as a biotic. We're all garbage and throw-aways," she soothed. "M'name's Jesse. What's yer name, kid?"

"E-ellen."

"Alright, Ellen. Come with me, hon."

Ellen glanced back at the road where her mother's car had disappeared. Jesse followed her gaze and sighed sadly.

"She ain't comin' back for ya, hon. I'm sorry."

Ellen sank to her knees, starting to cry again. Jesse shouldered the red bookbag and scooped the sobbing girl into her arms, then turned and walked down the street.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but ya have a new fam'ly to meet. We're a buncha assholes, and it'll be rough, but if you pull yer weight, you'll do fine."

Ellen sobbed into the shoulder of Jesse's filthy jacket as the older girl carried her to her new home.


	2. Akuze

Ellen fell to her knees, shaking. Her entire body screamed in a hundred different languages, her joints crying in protest from the effort of trying to keep from falling face first to the ground. Her spine felt like gelatin, and she'd already lost the back piece of her armor, leaving her back horribly exposed- burns already covered her skin from where the thresher maw's acidic spit had nearly claimed her life along with the armor she'd she in time- she was pretty sure she'd managed to save her pack; she hadn't had time to check, but surely the pack was fine. Dirt sweat and blood caked her hair and covered her face, and she kept spitting out blood, her tongue running over the gaps where she'd lost a few molars.

_'No time to take inventory of your wounds, Shepard,'_ she admonished herself. _'Have to keep moving. Have to survive.'_

Survive. It was something she was good at, even when everyone else around her lost their goddamn minds. Everyone had run around like idiots, not taking cover or making themselves less tempting targets as the monstrous maw erupted from the ground. She'd tried to scream at her comrades to take cover, but they kept shooting at the maw's thick chitinous hide and attracting attention. While they were picked off one by one, none of them even putting a dent in the monster's shell, Ellen had been trying to usher people to shuttles, to get them to safety. She'd managed to save a handful of colonists, but a lot of them were caught in the crossfire of the maw's acid spit. Reduced to puddles of liquefied human flesh and bones. _Homo sapiens_ soup.

Ellen didn't even flinch thinking about the puddles the colonists had been reduced to. Maybe if she'd had a more delicate upbringing, she would have emptied her stomach's contents from the sight of flesh and bone melting before her eyes. The reason she had vomited earlier was nerves from trying to survive, frustration, fatigue and dehydration. Which, of course, she thought was a stupid reaction on her body's part- emptying herself of fluid when she was so close to collapsing from the strenuous exertion and constant strain on her systems.

She'd been charging from point to point when the maw moved to get a better angle from which to try to aim its acidic saliva at her. Every time she activated her biotics and forcing it into a powerful charge, she was using the momentum and speed to get herself to cover safely. The constant use of her amps was draining, and she hadn't eaten since that morning- almost six hours ago. She was getting weak, her biotics draining her physical energy. She had one can on her belt- a potentially life saving mixture of glucose and electrolytes- but she had no idea how much longer she'd have to keep this dance up before SOMEONE, ANYONE showed up.

_'This is a damn Alliance colony,'_ she thought bitterly. _'The Council won't be sending help.'_

She'd set off the distress beacon when signalling the last of the remaining colonists off with the shuttles that hadn't been damage beyond use, but there was no telling how far away anyone was that could help. She was on her own until reinforcements arrived, or until the maw grew bored and decided she wasn't worth the attention. Unfortunately, everything she'd heard about maws was that their simple minds wouldn't allow them to stop rampaging until they killed all possible prey in their territory, devouring them.

_'I'm dead. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead,'_ she thought, her mind slowly whirling to panic.

She slapped herself across the face.

"No. No goddamnit. This isn't you, Ellen Shepard. You don't fucking give up," she said out loud, straightening up and peering around the remains of a wall. The maw was still waving about, searching for her. She ducked back around and took a deep breath.

"Your ass is already on the line. The only question is, what are you gonna do about it?"

She popped the can off her belt, opening the dented canister and chugging the contents. She crumpled the can in her fist and set her jaw.

"Not gonna lose my fucking head. That's what."

She pressed her back against the wall, listening. The ground wasn't rumbling. She risked another peek and saw the maw focusing its attention on another building, shrieking and spitting at it, hoping to flush her out. She swallowed. She was running out of cover, and her shields wouldn't protect her against the spit of the maw- her missing back piece already proved that much. As if to remind her, her lower back gave a painful throb where the burns were. Ellen had used her remaining medi-gel on a colonist's child as she loaded them into the shuttle; there would be no relief for her burns right now.

The rumbling was starting again.

Ellen stared at the ground, willing it not to rise with the approach of the maw. To her horror, the blue tongue of the maw erupted right in front of her. She shrieked as it flailed in the air, scenting for her. She bit back her panic, staying still, to let it think she was going to stay there. The tongue withdrew, and the ground began to shake. Ellen glanced around for cover, and pulling on that burst of energy she'd consumed, charged towards another building, determined to hide inside it. With the sudden roar of soil and rubble flying around her, she didn't hear the whir of engines overhead.

She flung herself into the skeleton of the building, ducking behind a wall just in time- she heard acid splash on the ground where she'd been only scant moments before. She ducked and scuttled across the floor, moving to one of the far back rooms, putting as much distance between her and the maw's spit. A shadow flew overhead, and the backlash of engines knocked over one of the walls. Ellen yelped and tried to get out of the way, but her amps were drained, waiting on cool down, and she couldn't activate a charge to get out of the way.

A sickening wet crack sounded through the air as the crumpled metal wall teetered and fell on top of her.

Ellen's eyes went wide, breath knocked from her in one long agonizing scream that made her throat bleed. She screamed from pain and from panic- she couldn't feel her legs. She couldn't move them. She was paralyzed, and pinned beneath the wall. She screamed in agonized frustration, pressing her forehead to the floor, pounding the dirty broken tile with her fist. She'd survived so long, and she was going to die because a wall fell on her from-

Her eyes flew open. From a ship. She lifted her head and saw a sleek black ship flying over the maw, which was focusing its attention on the new intruder. Ellen watched as the ship fired its cannon at the maw, and with one clean shot, the head was blown clear off in an explosion of blood and other assorted body parts. Ellen pressed her face back to the floor, starting to cry silently. Tears ran down her cheeks and nose, dripping onto the floor. It was over. She'd lost all the other marines, lost at least seventy percent of the colonists, and possibly the use of her legs, but it was over.

The fight with the maw, anyway.

She hadn't recognized the ship as Alliance. It was small- certainly only big enough to hold a crew of fifteen or so. A privately owned vessel, but not of human make. She lifted her head and watched it land a distance from her. She wanted to move, to run towards the crew that had saved her life- she was quite possibly the only surviving person left. Two things held her back. The obvious being her back, which was most likely broken. The other being she had no idea who had saved her. It could be anyone. Council, Batarian pirates taking advantage of intercepting a distress signal, mercs- the list went on. She had no idea who had killed that maw, and whether or not they would continue to be a saving grace. For now, she just waited for signs of her rescuer.

After an agonizing ten minutes, she heard the sound of feet near her, just on the other side of the walls she had taken cover behind. The steps were careful, tentative and light. She was still, waiting for some more to go on. She wouldn't willingly be taken by slavers- or rather, killed by them; paraplegics were horrible sources of manual labor. The steps grew closer, moving into the next room, and she realized the individual knew she was close- they must have seen the maw looking in her direction, and surmised that someone was still inside.

"Is anyone alive in here? I mean no harm, I promise."

Ellen blinked at the odd flanging of the voice- a Turian! That didn't rule out Blue Suns, and she wasn't sure if the Turian hated humans or not. Still, it wasn't a Batarian, so that was a a start, right?

"O-over h-here," she gasped, realizing the wall was pressing against her far more than she had thought. She heard the Turian startle slightly, then move quickly into the room.

The Turian was tall, as most were, and his dark face plates were painted with bright white markings which were striking. Even more striking were the bright green avian eyes that looked at her with shock. Ellen made a weak attempt at waving at him, then lowered her head to the floor again.

"C-can't move my legs," she managed. The Turian opened communications on his omni tool.

"I need the doctor, a stretcher and a mech out here **immediately**," he rapped out. "We have a survivor with a collapsed wall on her lower extremities."

He moved closer and took her hand. Ellen lifted her head again, taken aback by the contact, and looked him in the eye. His mandibles flared gently as he tilted his head.

"Hold on. Help is coming. Are you wounded anywhere else?" He asked. "What's your name?"

Ellen realized he was engaging her in conversation to keep her lucid in case of head injuries, but she was grateful for his compassion.

"Lieutenant Commander Ellen Shepard, Alliance marine," she managed. "Took acid to the back, but got the armor off before I had any dermal corrosion. Just chemical burns, possibly second degree."

The Turian nodded and touched her forehead with his free hand, flaring his mandibles wider.

"Obvious exhaustion and dehydration," he commented to no one in particular. "How long have you been trying to stay alive? Are there any other survivors?"

"Six hours," Ellen said, closing her eyes. Had it really been only six hours? It felt like a year. "None of my crew are alive that I know of. I managed to get a handful of the colonists to the shuttles before setting off the distress beacon. The other shuttles were too damaged, not to mention most of the colonists were devoured in the chaos."

The Turian made a soft sound that Ellen couldn't read- maybe it was sympathy? She had very little interaction with Turians to know.

"I am Nihlus Kryik. I'm a friend, I promise, and you are a very interesting specimen of human, Shepard," he said quietly.

"Are you with mercs? Turian military?" Ellen asked. Nihlus shook his head.

"It's really just blind luck that my ship was in the area and found you when it did. Add to that your tenacity- something I haven't seen often in a human being- and I think you're damn lucky to be alive. As for who I work for, I'm a Spectre, Shepard."

Ellen blinked. She'd heard of the Spectres- Special Tactics and Reconnaissance- agents of the Council, but she'd never met one before. She'd always heard about them being cold, distant, and unapproachable. Nihlus, however, was seeming anything but.

There was a metallic clanking, and Ellen glanced over to see a Ymir mech making its way over, a Salarian following close behind with a stretcher hovering behind him. Nihlus got up and directed the mech.

"Easy does it, I believe she's fractured her spine in the lumbar region," he said as the mech took hold of the wall, lifting carefully.

Ellen let out a gasp of relief as the wall was lifted off her, and she braced herself for the worst. The Salarian made a small sound of satisfaction, and she looked up at him hopefully.

"Break may not be as bad as feared. This may be repairable. Surgery needed immediately. Can do operation in med bay," the Salarian said hurriedly, running gently fingers over the exposed skin of her back. A soothing sensation flooded her skin, and Ellen realized he was giving her medi-gel. Nihlus nodded.

"Let's get her to the ship. I'll send Kora and Argat to scout for any possible survivors as well as surviving data terminals while we tend to Shepard," he said as he and the Salarian shifted Ellen onto the stretcher.

Nihlus squeezed her hand gently.

"Don't worry. Doctor Taris is one of the best and knows the physiology and anatomy of every race, even Hanar. You're in skilled, capable hands," he assured her. "You've done your part. Time to recover, Lieutenant Commander."

Ellen glanced at Taris as he maneuvered the stretched back towards the ship.

"Um, this may sound weird, but...will the surgery leave a scar?" She asked. Taris blinked.

"Normally, yes. Procedure slightly invasive. Laser correction can smooth over scar after operation," he said. Ellen shook her head.

"Please don't. I want the scar," she said. Nihlus tilted his head.

"You want the scar? Why?" He asked, curious as he walked alongside the stretcher. Ellen looked at him seriously.

"Scars tell stories about a person's life, character and the choices that come with them. I collect them for that reason. I don't want to forget."

Nihlus was silent, then nodded, his mandibles flaring in what Ellen could only identify as a smile.

"I understand, Shepard. Don't worry, Taris doesn't have to correct the scarring."

Ellen nodded.

"Thank you, Nihlus."

Nihlus offered another Turian smile.

"Relax Shepard. You're safe now, and you did a good job. We'll have you back to the Alliance in one piece before you know it."

**o-o-o-o**

Ellen sat up in the bed, sipping at a drink, watching Taris scuttle around her like a hyperactive bumblebee, complying silently with every request he made. Lifting limbs, stretching muscles, following movements with her eyes, rolling her feet, flexing toes, bending knees. She was more than pleased to see that she had full mobility. She was even more pleased by the large scar she had across her lower back. Even though she'd been told not to poke it too often, she slid a hand under her to run fingers over the wide expanse of shiny new scar tissue, a low sound of satisfaction in her throat. A low chuckle made her look up as Nihlus came into the room.

"You look much better," he said kindly. "Feeling alright, Shepard?"

Ellen nodded.

"Much better now that I can move my limbs, I'm cleaned up and have fluids and nutrients in my system. Still weak, though. I couldn't stand up earlier," she groused. Nihlus chuckled again, and Taris nodded.

"Expected. Spinal cord recently repaired. Extreme amount of strain on amps and system from overuse of amps on little sustenance. Will take a few days to recover completely," Taris said in his prattling way.

"That's good, because we're only a few days from a relay, and from there, it's only a few hours from the Citadel, where we can reunite you with the Alliance," Nihlus said gently. "Gives you plenty of time to rest and brace for the debriefing you're going to be getting, sadly."

Ellen sighed softly before leaning back into the pillows, going back to sipping her drink- another glucose and electrolyte rich drink. Military standard staple for biotics. Taris was making positively sure she was getting her 4,500 calories, and then some to make up for the six hours she'd ran on nothing but adrenaline. The tray next to her bed held nothing but used utensils- luckily, Nihlus had two Asari on his ship, so there was food that she could not only eat, but actually found palatable. Nihlus sat in the chair next to the bed and tilted his head, bright green eyes studying her. Slightly unnerved by the avian intensity of his eyes that reminded her so much of an eagle's, she focused on the bottle in her hand.

"How did you survive, Shepard?" He asked quietly.

Ellen set her bottle down between her thighs, staring at it. She knew how she survived, but she was dealing with immense guilt and disappointment. She felt that she hadn't done enough, and that losing her entire crew could have been prevented. She knew it was survivor's guilt, but it didn't help ease the regret any. She was quiet for almost five minutes, and Nihlus showed no sign of becoming impatient. He sat there quietly, watching her with a gentle expression. He was giving her the time she needed. She was incredibly grateful for his patience, and finally, she cleared her throat.

"My crew. They lost their damn heads. They kept shooting the damn thing. They wouldn't take cover. I lost most of them from one burst of acid. The rest scattered, but made themselves sitting targets, despite my screaming orders to take cover. They just kept wasting ammo on the fucking thing. I..."

She made fists in the blankets, gripping the white sheets in her fingers.

"I couldn't get them to act on the training they'd been given, so while they held the maw's attention, I got as many of the colonists as I could to the undamaged shuttles, and set off the beacon. I used my men as a distraction," she said quietly, voice tight with disappointment at herself. Tight with guilt and grief.

"I kept ducking behind cover when I was the only one left. The maw knew it was me and it. I used my charge to get from cover to cover quickly. I couldn't stay in one place too long or it would burrow and find me. Every time I found new cover, I combed the small area around it for heavy ammo- Maude was empty, and if I'd had a few grenades..."

Nihlus tilted his head.

"Maude?"

Ellen smiled a bit.

"My grenade launcher. Named her Maude. Only love of my life, save for her sister, Mila, my submachine gun. I learned early on in life that a gun is like a lover, sibling and parent all in one. Take good care of them, keep them at your side, and you won't ever want for anything. Especially protection," she said, her voice slightly distant. She glanced up at Nihlus, panic suddenly etching over her face.

"Did you get my weapons? I...did you find my pack?"

Nihlus looked away.

"There...there was a submachine gun under the wall we pulled off you, but it was broken beyond repair, Shepard. I didn't see anything like a grenade launcher at the site. As for your pack, it was nothing but a mess of acid eaten cloth. The contents were unidentifiable. I...I'm sorry, Shepard."

Ellen closed the lid on her bottle, which rolled down the bed as she pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs and pressing her face into her knees. Her shoulders started to shake as she cried softly. The pack had only contained the one thing she'd wanted to save. Weapons could be replaced. Ammo could be purchased.

Barkley would never be replaced. The last shred of the only happy time in her life, melted into nothing. The battered, well loved toy she'd found comfort in when her mother had thrown her away like refuse was gone forever. The only sentimental thing she'd allowed herself to cling to. The only non-essential belonging she'd fought for when living with the Reds was no more. Her cries slowly crescendoed into sobs.

Nihlus wasn't sure what had made her so upset- perhaps the weapons, but no, that couldn't be it. It had to be whatever had been in her pack. Something that was priceless to her. He got up and ran a hand over her shoulders. She made no response, only continuing to sob. He made a sympathetic sound.

"I'll give you your space, Shepard. Let me know if you need to talk," he soothed before leaving the room.

Ellen continued to sob. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around that ratty, battered doll, her best friend, with his frayed ears that had listened to every heartache, every secret, every wish. He'd been filled with her dreams and fears for over a decade at the least. And he was gone. Her father had given her Barkley when he came home from the Citadel- a place he'd promised he'd take her to visit. She never knew if he'd wanted to give her up, if that night he'd left because her mother had forced him to leave. She wondered if he'd looked for her. She'd had the opportunity to find her parents when she was made an officer, but she decided it was too painful to try. She had always clung to the small shred of hope that her father hadn't hated her for what she was. She didn't want to find out if he had.

She rolled over onto her side, covering her head with her pillow, sobs slowly dying down into whimpers as she fell asleep, lulled by exhaustion and grief.

**o-o-o-o-o**

"Coming up on the relay now," the pilot said, her voice smooth and calm. Nihlus nodded at the Asari.

"Take us in, Ciara," he replied.

Ellen was sitting in one of the chairs next to a powered down console. She braced herself for the jump as discretely as she could- she thought it was just her imagination, but she almost felt like her amps were being tugged gently every time she went through a relay, leaving her slightly disoriented. As they made the jump, Ellen felt the familiar tug, but it was less noticeable. Was it the ship? Was it the pilot? Was it her recent stress and surgery? No telling.

"Jump complete. ETA on docking with the Citadel: two hours."

Once in the clear, Ellen got up, pleased that she didn't wobble in front of Nihlus and Ciara. She'd regained a lot of her strength back, if not all of it. Her legs still felt off, as though they weren't entirely hers, but Taris assured her it was because the temporary cybernetic clip he'd latched onto the fracture site was knitting her nerves back together. She headed to the mess hall, her stomach rumbling slightly. She lifted her head as the soft, almost inaudible sound of footsteps reverberated on the floor behind her, and Nihlus almost seemed to materialize at her side. She offered him a small smile.

"You look like you can handle a debriefing now, Shepard," he joked. Ellen laughed as she accepted a plate from the mess cook and moved to sit at a table.

"I feel like I can handle one now," she replied before digging in. She shot a look of appreciation to the cook- a Salarian, who gave her a smile. Nihlus sat down, opening a can- a nutrient shake. He drank it quietly, then set the empty can down, looking at her carefully.

"Whatever was in your pack was important, more than you weapons, wasn't it?" He asked cautiously, his tone gentle. Ellen poked at what was left of her meal.

"It was. It's stupid. Not worth mentioning," she said softly, refusing to look at him. Nihlus flared his mandibles.

"If it meant that much, it obviously wasn't, Shepard," he retorted. Ellen let out a shaky sigh.

"It was a toy from my childhood. The last thing my father ever gave me. A plush dog. The only thing left of the one good time in my life. And it's gone," she said simply, pushing back her plate. "I'm an Alliance officer. I shouldn't be upset about the loss of a goddamn doll. It's gone, and I'm done talking about it."

She stood up, pushing her chair back, and after putting her plate into the washer, she nodded at Nihlus stiffly before heading back to her bunk. Nihlus watched her go, taking note of how stiffly she was walking- she was holding back tears again.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Ellen fingered the new badge on her uniform. Commander. Commander Shepard. A rank from losing men? How did that make sense? Why was she rewarded? Back in the Reds, if she'd come back the only survivor from a group of the the gang, she'd have been beaten for letting anyone die. Members of the gang were valuable resources, family, reinforcements. The Military? She was rewarded. It didn't make sense and it only reminded her that she was starting to hate the Alliance military.

"I know you're thinking you don't deserve it, Shepard, but you saved colonists. You survived."

Ellen looked up at Captain Anderson and sighed, pressing her face against the lapels of his jacket as he hugged her. Now that they were in the privacy of his office, she could hug him like she'd wanted to so badly since they'd docked with the Citadel. As usual, her mentor and friend smelled of shoe polish, a hint of aftershave and coffee. His arms were strong and warm around her, and though he would never replace the memory of the arms of her father, Anderson's embrace was the closest thing she'd get to it. She took strength and comfort from his hug before pulling back.

"If Nihlus hadn't shown up...God, I don't want to think about it," she murmured.

"Nihlus was very impressed with you," Anderson said excitedly. Ellen shrugged.

"I'm sorry, Captain, I'm just...I'm drained. It's hard to feel anything about anything right now."

Anderson nodded knowingly, clapping a warm firm hand on her shoulder.

"Going to write you a chit for 72 hours of liberty. Take a breather, Shepard. You deserve it."

"Request permission to leave, sir," she said, saluting him. Anderson returned the salute.

"Permission granted, Commander Shepard."

Ellen gave him a tired, but genuine smile, and saluting him again, left the office. She made her way to a transit cab, taking it to her apartment- she was still trying to get over that. She had an apartment in the Presidium now. Her scant belongings had been taken there- she'd go HOME instead of staying in the Officers' quarters on a ship. She fumbled for her access card, and opened the door. The apartment was small, but the rooms were well lit with floor to ceiling windows and sleek furnishings, and gleaming black "wood" floors and soft beige walls. A package on the kitchen table caught her eye. She moved over to it and read the label: 'Congratulations, and welcome home, Commander- Spectre Kryik.'

She blinked, then opened the package carefully. She was expecting a new gun, but the package wasn't heavy as she hefted it up. As the flaps of the box were opened, she dropped it on the table, eyes going wide and filling with tears. Bright eyes looked up at her from a soft plush face that was alien, but adorable all the same. Ellen lifted the stuffed critter from the box and saw a note tied around its neck. She gently pulled it off, not letting go of the strange doll.

'Shepard,

I wasn't sure what sort of doll your father had given you, but I figured it was an animal of some sort; I had one similar when I was younger. I honestly didn't know what to get you, or if I should get this for you at all, but you impressed me, Shepard, and I expect I will be seeing you again fairly soon. So, for now, I guess a Varren will have to do until we talk again and I get a better feel for what you might have wanted instead. After all, who would mess with a woman who has a stuffed Varren on her bed? I know I wouldn't.

Congratulations again,

Nihlus'

Ellen stared at the note a while longer before setting it on the table. Still clutching the stuffed Varren, she moved to her bedroom, collapsing onto the large queen sized bed. Pulling the toy to her chest, she curled up on her side into a fetal position, shaking slightly.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to cry or not.


	3. Confrontation

Much love to my reviewers; Thank you so much!

And even more love to my Beta, Necr0mantic. Thank you, lovie!

**EDIT:** Turian Councilor is NOT Valern, as I recently found- if a name is too much of a spoiler for ME3 for you, then don't read. I edited his name to the correct name.

Oh, and Drawanon did the most beautiful piece for me- a scene from this chapter. Please check it out and give her love! (remove the spaces!)

http : / / fav. me/ d4n2hht

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><p>The Flux was noisier than Chora's but it was easier on a stressed individual like Nihlus. The blue lights were easier on his eyes, and he was grateful for the absence of pheromones thick in the air. He had a slightly glowing blue drink on the table in front of him, but he hadn't touched it. Maybe he'd offer it to him when he got there. Maybe the alcohol would soothe the older Turian's temper. Anything to soothe the aggressive male's anger when he found out what his former protégé had done.<p>

Nihlus' green eyes flicked to the tall lean figure approaching him. Male Turians tended to be intimidating by nature, but this older male had an appearance that made him look downright malevolent. From his pale facial plates that bore no markings, the zygomatic plates that swept back and parallel to his fringe, to his cybernetic blue eyes, Saren Arterius wasn't the definition of a "nice Turian." His presence made people uncomfortable- strangers balked and even those that had interacted with him on neutral matters were wary of him. It didn't help that currently,the Spectre was wearing his black casual garb that made him look menacing and dangerous. Nihlus, however, flared his mandibles in a small smile as Saren slid soundlessly into the booth across from him.

"Saren," Nihlus greeted, nodding his head respectfully at the older, more dominant male.

Saren grunted, crossing his right ankle over his left thigh. Nihlus pushed the drink his way, and his friend glanced at it suspiciously, then to Nihlus before picking it up and draining it. He made an appreciative sound as he sat the glass down, leaning back in the booth. His cold eyes fixed on Nihlus's.

"So. The Council tells me you've put forward a name, but told me to talk to you about it...," he rumbled, his voice even. Nihlus flattened his mandibles a bit.

"Yes. I found a very promising candidate, Saren," he hesitated. "On Akuze."

Saren went still, tilting his head to the left slightly, his eyes narrowing.

"Akuze is a human colony," he stated simply. Nihlus nodded, keeping his composure calm.

"Yes. It was recently attacked by a thresher maw. Only one of the Alliance Marines survived. I put their name forward because their will to live, to survive, and the fact that they managed to save civilians in the face of chaos, keeping their head while their Marines lost theirs is a trait valued in Spectres, is it not?"

Saren was silent, still staring at his former student, his mandibles twitching slightly as he digested this. Only the slight digging of his claws into the tabletop betrayed his feelings on the matter. Nihlus didn't look at Saren's claws leaving gouges in the tabletop, keeping his gaze on the other male's face. His mandibles flared, and he didn't blink as Saren leaned forward slightly, his own mandibles flaring and shoulders hunching. The silent posturing continued for a few minutes, neither male backing down. An Asari waitress walked up to check if they needed any drinks, but immediately backed away as she noticed their locked gazes. She wasn't dumb enough to get herself tugged into the middle of a fight, should one break out.

After an incredibly tense few minutes, an unspoken word passed between them and almost simultaneously- too close to tell who backed down first- both males relaxed their mandibles and posture. Nihlus flagged the wary waitress back and ordered another round of drinks while Saren seethed at him.

"A human, Nihlus?" He hissed as the waitress walked away. "They have no place in the Council, let alone in the Spectres!"

"I disagree, Saren," Nihlus retorted, falling silent for a moment as the waitress brought their drinks and left. "It wouldn't matter if she were Turian, Asari, Salarian or even a Krogan. She survived because she kept her head. She saved lives. Importantly, she also shouldered the burden of losing her crew, and is taking it well. It's been six months, and according to her records, she's dealt with the possible mental ramifications of survivor's guilt quite well."

Saren jerked his head back, blue eyes flashing.

"A human **female**?" He asked incredulously. "Have you lost your mind, Kryik?"

"Again, it doesn't matter, Saren!" Nihlus exclaimed angrily. "She did what fifty others could not. She kept her head while others panicked blindly, and saved lives. She deserves a chance. She could go far as a Spectre."

Saren got up, glaring at him, then leaned forward over the table, eyes glinting.

"The humans have no place in the Council. They haven't proven their worth to the Council races. Their ambassadors Goyle and Udina have been nothing but throwing fits of self entitlement since taking up their positions," he hissed softly. Nihlus snorted.

"The incessant whining of a few doesn't speak for all, Saren," he replied. Saren's eyes glittered with a sudden cunning that set Nihlus on edge.

"Have the Council members said who her mentor will be, Nihlus?"

"She won't be assigned to you. I'm making sure of it. I know you'll sabotage her. I'm going to request to be her mentor," Nihlus snapped, getting up and pulling himself up to his full height. Saren snarled softly at the nerve of the younger male, but didn't push his aggression.

"We'll see who she's assigned to, Nihlus. It's the Council's decision, after all," he sneered before turning on his toes and leaving.

Nihlus rubbed his face with a palm, a groan escaping his throat.

"Damnit, Sparatus. I know you're the one who told him. He didn't need to know...," he muttered, then paying for the untouched drinks, he left the bar, cursing to himself.

There was no time for it now. He had to get to Tevos and convince her to have Shepard assigned to him. If she was assigned to Saren, she'd never be a Spectre- at best. At worst, she'd be killed. He couldn't let that happen.

**ooooooo**

Ellen sat on the mat, rubbing her lower back as she looked up at the Turian with a scowl that was more playful than annoyed. The C-Sec officer laughed and held out his hand, offering to help her up. She took his hand and with his assistance, got to her feet. He chuckled as she punched his shoulder playfully. She couldn't be mad at him. Ever since finding out she might be assigned to a Spectre for training as a candidate, she'd been seeking partners to spar with on her liberty, and after a week, Chellick had offered. The two had become fast friends. Ellen welcomed the friendship- he wasn't Alliance, and he was only interested in being her friend. After having male Alliance constantly making inappropriate conversations or making things awkward, paired with her history, Ellen wasn't keen on having a human male sparring partner. When she heard Nihlus might be her mentor, she'd been even more delighted to have Chellick as a partner- it was good practice in case Nihlus was the type to spring training on her, and Chellick was damned good at hand to hand.

"Damnit, Chellick. You damned Turians and your long arms and legs," she snorted good naturedly. Chellick laughed again, mandibles flaring in a grin.

"Hey, you wanted a sparring partner. Be glad I let you use biotics to some degree. If you have Nihlus as your mentor, you'll need practice, and most turians don't trust biotics. We even have a separate division for them so the military can keep an eye on them."

Ellen didn't look at him, letting go of his hand and stretching, trying to work the ache out of her lower extremities from being knocked on her ass.

"Yeah, humans have mixed feelings on biotics, too. Either you're a weapon or a monster. No real in-between from my experience," she groused. Chellick shrugged.

"Drinks this evening? I've got a bit of liberty tonight. Thought you and I could have a round with some of the other guys from C-Sec," he offered. "You haven't been out aside from this sparring. You could use a night out with some friendly company."

Ellen opened her mouth to retort when the door to the sparring room slid open and two Turian males entered. Ellen glanced at them and went rigid, backing up against Chellick involuntarily. The C-Sec officer put a hand on her shoulder when she nearly stumbled, and the softest growl issued from his throat- so soft, Ellen wondered if the newcomers even heard it. She certainly felt the rumbling in his chest as she looked at the two turians. One she was happy to see- Nihlus looked at her with restrained kindness. The other... the other Ellen had only heard of. She had hoped never to get a glimpse of him, let alone meet him, but to her dismay, Saren Arterius was standing there, arms folded over his chest, his cold gaze fixed on her with distaste.

"Arterius. Last place I thought I'd see you," Chellick observed, moving away from Ellen only slightly before turning his eyes to Nihlus. "Nihlus. Good to see you."

His voice warmed as he spoke to Nihlus. He obviously respected Nihlus more, but gave Saren his greeting first to keep the older male placated. Saren snorted, his eyes never moving from Ellen. She made the mistake of locking eyes with him, and his left mandible twitched so slightly, she almost missed it. She refused to look away as his eyes narrowed slightly. Nihlus flattened his mandibles and looked pointedly at Saren.

"This is Commander Shepard, Saren. The candidate I told you about," he announced.

Saren didn't look away, and Ellen didn't either, despite the fact that she suddenly felt like she'd swallowed ice. Was Saren going to be her mentor? The blood drained from her face at the thought. Was that why he was here? She wanted to look at Nihlus, to see what was in his eyes, but Saren held her in his gaze like a cobra held its prey. Her pride also held her locked in place- she refused to back down. Something in her gut cried out that she was being stupid, but she lowered her chin, never looking away, looking at him from under her brows. Saren's mandibles flattened, and he lowered his head, a low growl issuing from his throat. Nihlus cleared his throat.

"Not exactly weak willed, is she, Saren?" He asked lightly.

"No, she's disrespectful," Saren spat, not looking away. Nihlus sighed.

"Saren, I doubt she's challenging you the way you think she is."

Saren snorted, and as if agreeing on a cease fire, both he and Ellen lifted their heads and looked away. Nihlus shot her a small smile, then turned back to Saren.

"See? She didn't cower at the sight of you. She's not your average skittish human female, Saren. This woman did what fifty men couldn't. Just watch. She'll do well as my protégé," he stated firmly.

Ellen felt a wave of relief wash over her. Nihlus was going to be her mentor. Saren was just there to be a racist asshole like she'd expected. Saren made a sound that could have been a snort, a snarl or a grunt. She couldn't tell, but was more than happy to see that he was turning and leaving the room. Nihlus sighed, shaking his head.

"Sorry about that, Shepard. He was adamant about seeing you. I can't exactly tell him no," he apologized. Ellen shrugged, trying to pretend she wasn't still frazzled by Saren's appearance.

"I'm under the scrutiny of the Council; it makes sense they'd send Saren to appraise me," she quipped. Nihlus grunted.

"I had to fight tooth and nail to keep you as my pupil, Ellen," he rumbled. "Saren wanted to take you as his student so he could fail you or get you killed."

Ellen was hardly surprised, and the snort that came from her indicated as such.

"So now what?" She inquired. Nihlus cocked his head, a small smile on his face.

"Now that Saren has seen you, he isn't impressed, but time will tell. For now? You need to get ready. I'm taking you with me on a mission in two days. Get enough supplies for three months time, Shepard. We're going to Omega, and things out there are expensive and illegal. You'll want your own supplies," he asserted.

Ellen blinked at him.

"Already?" She sputtered. Nihlus chuckled.

"Already," he confirmed. He turned to go. "Meet me at the market at ten hundred hours, and we'll pick out what you need."

He left the room quietly, and Chellick blinked at her, smiling.

"You should go get some rest. Nihlus probably won't rest with shopping. He'll probably have to debrief you as well," he declared. Ellen nodded and shook his hand.

"Thanks, I will. Thanks again for the sparring match, Chellick."

Chellick nodded.

"Anytime, Shepard. I'll have a raincheck for you on those drinks."

Ellen gathered her things and left the room, headed for a transit cab. She rubbed the back of her neck as she mentally tallied what she'd need. A three month trip? Obviously not just a small errand for the Council, then. Probably nothing too dangerous or sensitive, or she wouldn't be going, but nothing simple if they were going to be gone that long. She ran through the lists in her mind. Clothes, medicines, parts for her amps, kits for her weapons...she wasn't going to bank on the Council footing the bill for that sort of thing, not if she wasn't a full Spectre. If she were traveling with Nihlus, she wouldn't have to worry about food, since his crew had levo-amino members.

Her face flushed suddenly. She'd grown attached to the stuffed Varren Nihlus had given her, but the thought of him seeing her with it...for some reason it made her stomach twist into anxiety-ridden knots. However, since Barkley was nothing more than a memory- a memory that still caused a stab of pain in her chest when she thought about it- she had clung to that stuffed Varren like a lifeline. A rack mate had teased her endlessly for having Barkley, and now, the thought of buying another toy made her feel stupid. Never mind that if Nihlus saw her buying one over the one he had given her... she couldn't do it. She couldn't be rude like that. She only hoped he wouldn't notice if she brought it. She couldn't leave it- her; she'd named the Varren Ammut- behind. Shouldering her bag and running her hand through her sweat-damp hair, she was totally lost in her thoughts as she headed for the cab.

A hand grabbed her wrist, and she found herself being slammed against a wall. Instinctively, she flung her hand at her assailant's face, the heel of her palm aiming for what she automatically assumed was a human nose. The blow met hard but yielding plate, and the hand on her wrist tightened painfully. Blind with rage, Ellen did the only thing she could think of that had worked back on Earth. She slammed her head into the face of the individual that held her. Her forehead met the plate of a turian's forehead, and a hiss came from him, oddly spicy breath exhaled sharply into her face before the turian recoiled.

Ellen darted back, pulling a knife from her boot, and blinked as the spots cleared from her eyes- stars had exploded in her field of vision as she head butted the turian- and saw Saren standing there. He looked torn between surprise and rage, and she held out her knife, trying to stay steady. He didn't advance on her, his eyes narrowed, and a small rumble issued from his throat.

"So you're not completely helpless. Head butting. Crude, but effective. I wouldn't suggest using that on a Krogan," he growled. Ellen lifted her lip in a snarl.

"What do you want? I assume you had a reason for grabbing me?" She leered.

Saren lunged at her, slamming both hands on the wall behind her shoulders as he loomed over her. Ellen looked up at him, realizing just how tall he was. She herself was average height, standing at five feet and six inches, but Saren towered over her in a most intimidating fashion; he had to be at least six foot five, if not taller. With the way he leaned over her, she couldn't tell for sure. Ellen refused to be intimidated as the turian snarled at her, and she reached up, grabbing the front of his black attire. He instantly grabbed her wrist, flaring his mandibles at her, and she stared him down.

"Look, pal," she fumed, her voice low. "I know you don't like humans, but I didn't agree to be Nihlus' pupil to piss you off."

"You know your kind doesn't deserve to have a Spectre in the ranks, and your species will just use that to gain a place in the Council," Saren hissed. "Only twenty six years in Council Space, and humans think they deserve a seat on the Council. Like toddlers throwing a fit for attention!"

"You think I don't know that, Arterius?" Ellen snarled. "Udina is the head of the toddlers and he's the one that can throw the biggest fit, so he's the Ambassador."

Saren hesitated, if only slightly, regarding her. Encouraged, Ellen kept on.

"You want to know why I accepted? Not for the glory of the human race. Not for personal glory. I accepted because it's my ticket out of the Alliance, and not having to put up with Udina breathing down my neck. I'd answer to the Council, not him, and not to a military branch that rewards their officers for losing their crews," she admitted.

Saren narrowed his eyes, then finally let go of her wrist, pulling back. Ellen let go of the front of his tunic and straightened her shoulders, the two staring each other down for a few silent moments. Saren finally snorted and tossed his head.

"You have more spine than most humans I've met, Shepard, but it won't be enough. Nihlus thinks you're Spectre material, but I don't. You won't make it, even if he tries to go easy on you," he rumbled. "And he'd better not, because the Council and I will be watching you both."

Without another word, Saren turned on his toes and strode away. As soon as he was out of sight, Ellen allowed herself to lean against the wall again, sliding down and landing on her rump roughly. She covered her face with both hands, shaken, and her fingers encountered blood, slightly sticky and almost dry on her forehead. She sighed and licked the red from her fingertips, glowering in the general direction Saren had disappeared in.

"I will prove myself, you asshole," she muttered.

She'd accepted Nihlus putting her forward to be polite; she hadn't wanted to be involved in the ploy of humans trying to step up in the Council and its politics. Now, she was going to put forth all her effort to make sure she passed her tests. She wanted to make sure she didn't fail Nihlus' praise of her. She wanted to be severed from the Alliance and work for the Council on her own terms.

But most of all, she wanted to see the look on Saren Arterius' face when she was made the first human Spectre.


	4. Conflicting Realizations

Thanks for the patience, guys. Lots of stuff going on! LIKE ME3!

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><p>Gunshots sounded through the alley, and the scent of blood, metal and dirt hung thickly in the air. Both Ellen and Nihlus were panting, sporting a few wounds- a gunshot in the shoulder for Ellen and a gouge in Nihlus' arm from a bullet grazing past it.<p>

Most of the Vorcha had been dealt with, save for a few stragglers, and despite being Blood Pack, they had yet to see a single Krogan. Plenty of Varren had crossed their path and died- loathe as Ellen was to shoot them. All that was left- that they could see- was a Varren and two Vorcha.

"Get down, Shepard!"

Ellen ducked just as a barrage of bullets went flying over her head from Nihlus' assault rifle, the squalling of a dying Vorcha following suit. Rolling, she moved to another cover and popped up over it, aiming her shotgun at the very surprised remaining Vorcha just on the other side of the crate.

"BREAK YOU!" it screeched, only to get a face full of incendiary ammo. The vile alien fell to the ground, face no longer a grinning mouth of teeth, but a mangled mess of gristle and blood.

"Nice shot," Nihlus called, felling the Varren before it could get too close.

He looked up at the same time as Ellen at their remaining target- A Krogan on an intercept path with their location.

"Finally! A Krogan. Can stop worrying now!" Ellen exulted as she vaulted over the crate effortlessly, shotgun brandished. Nihlus hissed at her.

"What are you doing? It's dangerous, Shepard, get back here!"

Ellen grinned over her shoulder.

"What I do best. Charge in and distract while you get off a good shot," she retorted, and before Nihlus could protest, her biotics flared, generating a mass effect field around her, and she shot across the distance between them and the now very surprised Krogan. She launched right into the large reptilian humanoid, sending him flying back.

The Krogan let out a shout, and tried punching her in the jaw, but his fist was met with a freshly recharged shield, which shimmered in a periwinkle haze over Ellen's form. She grinned at him.

"My turn," she quipped, and sent a biotically charged fist into his gut. His shields flickered and faded, and Ellen leapt back, winded from the effort- and just in time for a round of bullets to lodge themselves into the Krogan's skull.

"Not bad, huh?" She grinned, hefting her shotgun over her shoulder. Nihlus growled and grabbed the front of her armor as she got close, pulling her to look at him.

"This is not about show boating, Shepard. That was a huge risk. He could have been a biotic and therefore immune to your charge. You have to get in a warning shot to test the waters before charging in! You took an unnecessary risk!" He hissed angrily. Ellen blinked at him.

"It was necessary, Nihlus. We are running out of time. If this were Blue Suns, we'd have time to yell at me over my tactics, but this is Blood Pack, and we have a kidnapped child to rescue, yes?" She countered.

Nihlus sighed and let her go.

"You're right. You worried me by just charging in like that," he apologized. Ellen smiled smoothly at him.

"Hey. Just a Krogan, Nihlus. I've survived a Thresher Maw, hon," she teased, putting her shotgun back on her lower back before following him into the building the hostage was supposedly held.

Nihlus ignored her comment, but a small smile tugged at his mandibles. His sharp green eyes scanned the area for any hostiles, Ellen following close behind him. His eyes narrowed as a small whimper reached his ears. He motioned to Ellen, and darted towards the sound. Behind a stack of crates, a small Asari girl was lying on her side, bound and loosely gagged. She whimpered at seeing the both of them, struggling to get away. Nihlus knelt down next to her, making soothing sounds, relieved that the daughter of the Asari delegate was relatively unharmed.

"Shhh. We're here to help, Esara," he crooned. Her bright blue eyes fell on his Spectre badge, and relief flooded her young face.

Nihlus untied her and pulled the gag from her mouth, and Ellen scooped her up, holding her close. The girl couldn't have been older than five. Esara bit back a terrified sob and buried her face in Ellen's good shoulder. Ellen rubbed her back gently.

"You're safe now, Esara. It'll be alright," she soothed.

"Let's get back to The Serenata, Shepard," Nihlus asserted, satisfied when another scan of the room proved it to be empty. Ellen nodded, and they quietly left the building, their objective safely in tow.

* * *

><p>Ellen tucked Esara into her own personal bed-the terrified child had insisted on sleeping with her rescuer- kissing her forehead gently and handing her Ammut.<p>

"Here. You can hold onto my buddy Ammut tonight. She'll protect you from bad guys and monsters," she murmured softly. Esara smiled and wrapped her arms around the stuffed Varren, eyes wide.

"Where'd you get such a big stuffed Varren, Miss Shepard?" She asked. Ellen smiled and tickled her under the chin.

"Hey now, what'd I tell you, Missy? You can call me Ellen, okay?" Esara giggled.

"Sorry, Ellen."

"There we go. Now I can tell you," she grinned. "Nihlus gave her to me after a very bad day. She made me feel a LOT better, so now I take her wherever I go."

Esara hugged Ammut tighter, rubbing her cheek against the toy's silky muzzle.

"I'm going to ask my mama to get me one, too! I don't want keep yours, cause that wouldn't be very nice," she chirped.

Ellen stroked her cheek tenderly.

"Well you can hold onto her tonight, to scare away bad dreams," she assured her. Esara grabbed Ellen's wrist, alarmed.

"Are- are you not gonna sleep in here? I'm still scared," she whimpered. Ellen kissed her cheek.

"I have to go talk to Nihlus, but I'll be coming back to sleep next to you, don't you worry. Ciara can come tell you a story if you want," she consoled, referring to the Asari pilot. Esara shook her head vehemently.

"Uh uh. I want you. You saved me from the toothy men," she stated stubbornly, jutting out her chin. Ellen chuckled.

"Alright. I'll be back once I get done talking to Nihlus, okay? I'll be right down the hall."

Esara yawned widely, nodding as she did so, clutching Ammut tightly. Ellen laughed again and slid out of the room, running smack into Nihlus.

"JEEZE, Nihlus! Scare the crap out of me, why don't you?" She wheezed, laying a hand over her chest. Nihlus chortled.

"Sorry. Was listening to you tuck Esara in. Our delegate is thrilled to know her daughter is alive, and the Council is pleased with the outcome. Six months with me, and you've done nothing but impress- despite your recklessness," he declared. He tilted his head, eyes studying her.

"I don't know what's sweeter. The fact that you gave her that stuffed Varren to hold, or the fact that you not only kept it, but named it and brought it with you," he rumbled.

Ellen felt her entire face and neck turn bright red, and her tongue turned to cold heavy clay in her mouth.

"I..."

Nihlus laughed softly, but his tone was warm and kind.

"I'm touched, actually. I didn't think you'd even keep it, Shepard," he stated. Ellen glanced down at her feet, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly.

"...I never thanked you properly for it- for her...I ah. Well. You heard what I named her," she mumbled, glancing at him.

Nihlus smiled at her gently and held out his arms.

"You can thank me with a hug."

Ellen bit her lip, then with an awkward grin, she moved in close and wrapped her arms around his ribs. His arms slid around her as he pulled her close, hugging her tight. Ellen bit her lip harder- it'd been so long since she'd hugged anyone, and Nihlus was so warm, and with the way he towered over her, he made her feel safe. It was everything she wanted and NEEDED in a hug. She pressed her cheek against his chest, letting out a small sigh, hoping he wouldn't hear it. They stood in silence for a few moments, until a small voice rang out in the hallway.

"Ellen? Ammut says you don't give her enough hot cocoa. You should give her more hot cocoa!" Esara announced, holding up the stuffed Varren as best she could- the doll was almost as big as she was.

Ellen looked over her shoulder at the young Asari, then back at Nihlus, who pulled away almost reluctantly with an amused rumble. Ellen turned and leaned forward, resting her hands on her thighs. An amused smirk curled the corner of her mouth as she looked Esara in the eye.

"More hot cocoa? Is that right?" She asked in amusement. Esara nodded.

"Yup! She said she didn't get any tonight! Can we make her some?" She hesitated. "Please please please?"

Ellen laughed and took Esara's tiny hand in hers.

"Come on you, let's get Ammut some hot cocoa."

She winked at Nihlus over her shoulder as she led Esara to the mess hall. His mandibles twitched, his breath invisibly catching in his throat at her smile. It was odd seeing this maternal, compassionate side to her when she was usually so fierce and battle ready. He liked it. He watched the two of them head to the mess hall, pondering the fact that Ellen had taken the stuffed Varren with her.

He was also pondering why he had been so very reluctant to release her from his embrace, and why he still felt her warmth on his arms and chest.

* * *

><p>Ellen and Nihlus watched contentedly as Esara squealed and ran into her sobbing mother's arms.<p>

"My baby!" Vimala wailed, clutching her daughter to her chest. "Oh, my baby, I'm so glad you're alright!"

"I was scared, Mama, but Ellen and Nihlus saved me! Ellen let me have hot cocoa, and Nihlus was nice and let me see the bridge of his ship! Oh, and Ellen let me hug her stuffed Varren- she kept me from having nightmares, can I get one, Mama?" Esara rambled.

"You must have been so good to her- she's normally so shy!" Vimala remarked, looking at Nihlus with wide eyes. Nihlus shook his head.

"Ellen was. She treated her like her own daughter. She kept her mind off the whole ordeal," he replied. The delegate turned to Ellen, appreciation written all over her face.

"You're the human training to be a Spectre aren't you? You definitely have my support as thanks for all you've done for my daughter, Commander Shepard. Thank you ever so much. Thank you both," she praised. She looked back at Esara.

"Yes, darling you can have a stuffed Varren," she promised. Esara waved over her mother's shoulder as Vimala walked away, giving Nihlus and Ellen another grateful smile.

"That felt good," Ellen sighed. Nihlus nodded in agreement.

"Mmm," he asserted. "Did you want to get anything or do anything before we leave the Citadel?"

Ellen blinked.

"Do we have another mission already?" She inquired.

"Yes. We have at least two," he replied. "Neither aren't urgent- yet- but we shouldn't linger too long."

Ellen chewed her lower lip, thinking, then shook her head.

"Unless you have something in mind, I'd rather not linger and give people time to find and harass us."

Nihlus rumbled.

"My thoughts exactly. Let's not give Udina or Sparatus time to find us...or Saren," he grumbled.

Ellen curled her lip. She didn't want to see Udina, or either of the arrogant, uppity turians. The Turian Councilor she just disliked in general, but Saren...she was genuinely worried about her own safety around him if Nihlus wasn't with her. She had no desire to be around either of them.

"Back to the Serenata, then?" She asked hopefully. "Or do we need supplies?"

"Already had them ordered to be loaded while we brought back Esara to her mother," Nihlus rumbled, grinning. Ellen grinned back at him.

"Let's get back to work, then!"

Nihlus chuckled and started walking with her.

"Maybe back to the ship, but not to work so quickly. I was hoping I could talk to you over dinner now that Esara isn't stealing your attention from me," he purred, his tone playful. Ellen shoved at his shoulder teasingly.

"Why, Mister Kryik, are you asking me out to dinner?" She drawled. Nihlus snorted in laughter.

"Just on the ship, nothing fancy. Just wanted to talk," he smirked. Ellen returned his snort with one of her own.

"Uh huh."

"Oh, come on. Humor me, Ellen," he pleaded.

Ellen blinked. That was the first time he'd called her by her first name since they'd started working together.

"I...okay, Nihlus. Sorry. I was just teasing."

Nihlus rumbled and held out his arm.

"I know. Come on, then."

Grinning stupidly, Ellen took his arm, and walked with him back to the ship.

* * *

><p>Ellen laughed, then drained the rest of her wine, her cheeks ruddy. Nihlus chuckled, wiping his mouth.<p>

"You can't be serious!" She trilled.

"As a plague!" He exclaimed. "We fell through the wall, and instead of tossing us out, she asks if we want to join her in the shower!"

Ellen leaned against the back of the couch, giggling.

"What did you say?" She inquired eagerly. Nihlus flared his mandibles sheepishly.

"I said yes- but only after we finished taking down the Krogan. 'Krogan?' She says, 'You mean that one?' And she points to an unconscious Krogan laying on her living room floor!"

The pair both roared in laughter, Nihlus shaking his head in amusement.

"Asari Commandos. The ONLY thing that comes close to being as interesting are human Vanguards," Nihlus rumbled good naturedly.

"Glad you find me interesting," Ellen quipped. She smiled crookedly and set her empty glass down next to the plates that formerly held their dinner, then curled her legs under her. Nihlus smirked.

"I do. Very much so," he replied. Ellen swatted at him.

"What happened next? Did Saren say yes? I can't imagine he did!"

"Saren flat out refused. He is the biggest xenophobe," he snorted, emptying his glass and setting it down before pushing the rolling portable table away from the couch. Ellen laughed in her throat.

"But you're not, huh? I take it you said yes?"

"I did. That commando? Is now my pilot. Ciara- s'how I met her," he chuckled. Ellen's smile died down an infinitesimal bit.

"Oh, you two still together? That's sweet," she lilted, her tone light. Nihlus tilted his head.

"No, it was a one time thing. When I asked her to be my pilot, we decided to keep it professional. We're very close friends."

Ellen tried not to let her relief show, and she bit the inside of her cheek- why did she care? Was she growing fond of Nihlus? She couldn't think of a more stupid thing to do- relationships between humans and turians were still widely unaccepted, not to mention the Council and the Alliance would be appalled. They might even nullify her becoming a Spectre on grounds of favoritism.

'_Never mind that, well, he's a turian_,' she thought to herself. '_He probably doesn't think a human could be a compatible partner. Ellen, you're stupid, getting flustered over him.'_

"That's great. It's nice to have friends with you on long trips," she commented, wishing she had more wine to busy herself with, even though her head was close to swimming as it was.

Nihlus, seemingly oblivious to her state, kept on talking. Ellen watched as he gestured with his hands, his mandibles flaring and flattening as he spoke, adding inflection to his tone and mood. His bright green eyes were slightly glassed over from the alcohol, but they still glittered and glinted with his mood as he talked. Ellen settled back, leaning her head against the couch cushions, smiling and reacting to his words, but she was more focused on him, rather than what he was saying. The wine was starting to weigh heavily in her head, and she found it hard to stay alert.

Nihlus blinked, then laughed as she slumped over and leaned against him, her cheek pressing against his shoulder. He slid an arm around her, chuckling.

"Wine go to your head, Ellen?"

"Sorry. Haven't drank that much in a while. Drowsy," she mumbled, trying to straighten herself up. Nihlus pulled her back to him, rumbling.

"What happened to watching Vaenia with me, huh?" He teased. Ellen laughed thickly.

"You think I can stay awake during an entire movie, Nihlus?" She drawled, enjoying his warmth. He laughed, then got up and came back with a blanket. He settled back down and draped the blanket over them both, then wrapped his arm back around her shoulder.

"At least watch it with me til you fall asleep. We can crash on the couch. How's that sound?"

"Done and done," Ellen agreed.

Nihlus rumbled and turned the lights off and the video on, not moving his arm from around her shoulder. Ellen tried to stay focused on the movie, but with her cheek pressed against his shoulder, his arm around her, and his side pressed against hers, it was very hard to pay attention. Wine always made her sleepy, and she'd had quite a bit of it. She was wishing they'd had bourbon- it made her pleasantly buzzed, and took a bit more to make her drunk, as it was her most oft consumed alcohol. Never made her drowsy like wine did.

She risked a look at Nihlus's face. He was watching the movie, but didn't seem entirely focused on it, like he was thinking about something else. She bit her lip, an odd sensation in her chest. She wasn't sure what to make of the fact that she was finding him attractive. He was completely alien to her with his physique- the mandibles, the plating, his flanging voice and two fingered, taloned hands. After the six months they'd spent together, however, his presence was utterly comfortable and familiar. She knew his face, his voice, the small things he did- the way his left mandible twitched when he was thinking about something, or the way his head tilted when he was interested in what he was hearing or seeing.

Ellen had never been attracted to males of her own species- not after her experiences. Being rough handled while in the Reds, being harassed while at boot camp, it all made her shy away from the advances of human men. After turning down date after date, the rumor that she didn't swing that way came up. Ellen didn't mind it, even though she didn't like women sexually, either. It kept men away, so she never denied it.

She never expected that her desires would lie in another species, but there was no denying that she liked the look of Nihlus. Hell, she liked the look of turians in general. She couldn't put her finger on it, but almost everything about them was aesthetically pleasing to her eye. Their voices were easy on her ears, and leaning against Nihlus now, she admitted to there being a small amount of discomfort from the top of his hip pressing against her side, but the warmth, and the broadness of his ribcage made up for that. Even the way he smelled was enjoyable- he smelled of a soft, almost dusty musk, similar to a bird, but with a feral note under the soft dust that reminded her he was definitely not a bird. His scent was warm, masculine and although it was alien, it was comforting. Even a tad delicious in the way that she wanted to keep inhaling it to keep it in her nose.

Ellen tried pondering this some more, trying to figure out what it was about Nihlus- or Turians in general- that appealed to her, but her thoughts were becoming muddled and thick in her head. Her wine-heavy mind was slowly dragging her into sleep. Nihlus' hand on her shoulder, the firm strong fingers warm on her bare skin exposed by her tank top only helped coax her further into dozing, and she finally nodded off against him, head lolling onto his chest.

Nihlus chuckled with a low rumble as Ellen fell asleep against him. They'd been up since an ungodly early hour, and she'd consumed a great deal of wine with dinner. Add a warm comfy couch, a dark room and the drone of a video on low volume, and he was surprised she didn't fall asleep earlier.

He shut the video off and pulled her into his lap, turning to the side and laying back on the couch so that she was sleeping on top of him, her side pressed against the back of the couch. He stretched slightly, kicking off his shoes, flexing his toes, then rubbed her back gently. She was out cold, fingers curling in the cloth of his shirt. He rumbled fondly.

He'd caught her looking at him with his peripheral vision, and he was wondering if she was just staring at him because she was drunk and overwhelmed by the day, or if she was looking at him for other reasons. He was confused as to how he felt about her- when he'd let go of her so she could give Esara hot cocoa, he'd felt her warmth for a while afterwards, and had wanted to hug her again.

Did she have the same conflicting thoughts, he wondered. Was she feeling attraction to him, but was balking at the fact that they were different species? Nihlus never considered himself a xenophobe- not like Saren. He'd had his share of flings- Quarian, Asari, and he'd even been propositioned by a female Salarian. He'd never had any experience with a human- having Ellen sleep peacefully on his chest was a milestone as for how far he'd gone with a human.

He didn't dislike them or find them repulsive like some turians did. He didn't hold grudges from the First Contact War. If an individual could get the job done, or if they were a good person, that was all that mattered to him. Ellen was both. She was a good person, and a capable one at that. She was... unorthodox, but capable, and while she had the tendency to want to shoot first and ask questions later when it came to Batarians- something that would end up getting her in trouble later, he predicted- she was a good person.

He admitted, he didn't find her wholly attractive- not like he would an Asari or a Turian. She had qualities and traits that were attractive, but in an alien way. Her eyes were his favorite thing about her- they were almost the same shade as his, but greyed, muted, yet clear and piercing- and they were large and insightful. He liked the curve of her clavicle- it was graceful and sweeping, and the shadows of it from the light of the video were striking. He knew humans and Asari liked breasts, but they were something he could care less about. He saw no purpose in them, and actually appreciated that Ellen's were relatively small.

He hesitated, then ran his fingers through her hair. He'd been wanting to touch her bright red hair for a long time now, and now that she was asleep with him in the same room, he chanced it. It ran between his fingers easily- each strand was thin, but spirits, did she have a lot of it. It was soft and silky on his fingers, eliciting a surprised purr of pleasure from him. He changed his mind- her hair was his favorite thing. She may not have fringe but her hair was very nice. He pulled his hand away after a few moments, and she shifted in her sleep, nuzzling into his chest with a small murmur. He smiled softly, his mandibles flaring.

"I have no idea what to make of this, so I'll just make the best of it, won't I?" He rumbled.

Ellen made no reply, deeply asleep, and he chuckled, putting an arm around her waist, the other behind his head, willing sleep to come to him.

He laid awake for a quite a while before he finally exhausted himself by thinking in circles about the "Why not's," and the "Why I shouldn't's."


	5. Testing Limits and Loyalty

Ellen stretched, her back curving and toes curling as she let out a low thrum of sleepy contentment. She hadn't slept so well in a LONG time. She felt warm and comfortable, with-

-an arm around her waist. She blinked, eyes flying open. A low rumble vibrated through her back, the source of warmth behind her shifting slightly. She turned bright red as she took assessment of her situation.

She and Nihlus were both on their sides, his arm draped over her waist as he spooned her, one leg between hers. His face was pressed into her hair, his breath warm-almost hot- on her skin. He was rumbling in his sleep, his mandibles quivering and tickling the nape of her neck. His hand was splayed over her belly, claws resting gently against the skin bared by her tank top riding up in her sleep.

Ellen soaked in his warmth- were all Turians this warm?- and nestled closer, her back pressing against his chest, his belly incredibly hot against her hips. She closed her eyes again, risking waking him up by sliding a hand over the one resting on her belly. He stirred slightly, the rumble in his chest increasing in volume, but didn't wake. He pressed closer, his keel plate pushing between her shoulder blades, but not painfully.

It wasn't until his hand moved and his leg pressed harder against her did things start to get dangerous.

His hand- searching for warmth, maybe?- slid up her stomach and under her shirt, the long warm fingers resting on her rib cage. At the same time, his thigh pressed closer, pressing against her groin and rump. Her eyes opened again, going wide as the heat of his leg radiated against her. She squirmed a bit- turians had long, lean legs and Nihlus was a very lean and athletic specimen of Turian. The feel of his leg tightly pressed between her thighs was making her heart slowly accelerate its pace.

You can ignore this, Ellen. Just snuggle back on him and go back to sleep. It's just his leg, she thought. A few repetitions of this calmed her down enough to snuggle on him some more. She wanted to enjoy his closeness while he was sleeping- there was no doubt in her mind she liked him. She was becoming infatuated with him. However, the thought of sex scared her- but thrilled her at the same time if she thought about it with Nihlus.

She'd never been with a man. She'd been assaulted as a younger teenager- one of the older boys in the Reds tried cornering her. She'd responded with a biotically charged fist to his face. The broken nose had killed him due to lack of medical care. A few years later, while walking with a younger girl she'd been teaching the Reds' territory boundaries to, an older man propositioned them both from a passing by car. Even in boot camp, she'd had men leer at her, or make gestures. She'd never been curvy, not with her A cup breasts, but she had naturally wide hip bones, and had what she'd overheard as "a helluva curve" in her back and a neck that "You just wanna leave bruises on."

With the exposure she'd had to males of her own species, she naturally shied away from them. Even Anderson, a father figure to her, had to earn her trust over a period of nearly five years. She never really felt comfortable around human men. Saren she was uncomfortable around because well, he was Saren. Nihlus, however, she trusted. She liked him. She was even feeling a painful tightness in her chest, accompanied by a lightheaded giddiness whenever he was around. She wanted to stay close to him. She just had no idea how to deal with the other sensation of tightness she was feeling- the tight coil of fire in her loins as he pressed his firm thigh between hers.

This is crazy. Can Turians and humans even have sex with each other? Oh fuck. No. Ellen, don't have this train of thought when you have a Turian's thigh between your legs...a firm, lean, long thigh...oh fuck.

Her heart was racing, and she silently willed it to slow down, lest she woke Nihlus up. She pressed against him again, trying to calm herself when she felt his plates shift against her hips, and something prodded her tailbone. She froze and her heart stopped before resuming its pace in triple time. Is that- I can't believe this. Is that...Turians get morning wood, too? A bark of laughter- nervous panicked laughter- escaped her throat. Nihlus mumbled, stirring- definitely waking up. Ellen wasn't going to embarrass the both of them. As soon as his claws drew back over her side, she bolted from the couch. The air outside the blankets and away from Nihlus' warm body was cold in comparison, and she let out a small shriek as her feet hit the frigid floor, fleeing the room.

Nihlus sat up, blinking, mandibles flared crookedly in his sleep clouded haze. It wasn't until he looked down and saw that his shaft was partially exposed, protruding from between the plates of his groin and tenting his pants, did he realize why Ellen had fled. He sighed as he wrapped the blanket around his waist and headed for his bathroom for a shower.

Well. Guess now I know she's not interested in me that way, he groused to himself as he started his shower, shedding his clothes and stepping into the hot water.

He should have been relieved, as getting involved with his prot g would have caused problems, but his mind kept drifting back to the thought of her rump pressed against his belly, the warmth of her groin on his thigh, the softness of her hair against his face, the supple skin of her side under his hand. A low groan escaped his throat and his cock slid out further. No help for it now. He grasped his ridged shaft in his hand and began working it with desperate strokes, pressing his forehead against the wall of the shower, hot water pouring over his body.

Nihlus wasn't a heartbreaker, he didn't like to think, but he enjoyed the company of females. He'd had his flings- mostly turian and Asari, but they were nothing more than that. Flings. Only a handful had led to more- and that something more was friendships and colleagues he trusted. The women he slept with knew he was a Spectre and that if they wanted his commitment, they'd be waiting for him in a lonely bed for very long periods of time. Most of them were happy with a fling with the decorated Spectre, but a few had tried clinging. They gave up after a time, accepting that he spent too much time on classified missions for him to see them as much as they wanted.

Nihlus avoided sleeping with Matrons for this very reason- they lived a lot longer than he did, and some would be willing to wait.

Still- he and Ellen had been training together for six months now. Long enough to where his own libido had been ignored far longer than he was used to, and Ellen was far too tempting to keep his sex drive at bay. He felt dirty, but as he wrapped his fingers around the swelling knot at the base of his shaft, he was imagining he was pounding into her, her soft legs wrapped around his waist, her voice crying out his name, her hands with their odd number of digits clinging to his cowl, her soft neck just within nibbling reach, or a good long stroke with his tongue, her tight warm body wrapped around him...

"Spirits!" He hissed as his belly tightened, and he came violently against the shower stall wall. He let go of his throbbing shaft, resting his hands against the wall, leaning forward as he tried to catch his breath.

Nihlus was never ashamed to admit he masturbated in the morning- sometimes he woke up alone and it was all he had- it was better than keeping it pent up and distracting himself during a mission. He normally felt better afterward, though. This didn't make him feel better. His libido was appeased, calmed, but not sated. This felt empty and unsatisfying. A woman that he respected and wanted was a few corridors down. Possibly taking a shower of her own...

His thoughts drifted, thinking of her soft alien body soaked in hot water and lathered in soap. His belly tightened again slightly, but with a small twinge of protest from his sensitive cock that was slowly retracting into his body. He shook his head and started washing up.

I need to stop thinking about her like that. Once she's a Spectre I won't even see her again save for the occasional meeting on the Citadel, like I do now with Saren. ...she probably is just like most humans in that even though she can snuggle with me, the thought of being involved with a Turian sickens her.

He paused, water dripping from his mandibles.

Spirits, I hope not. I like her too much. I hope she's not still holding a grudge against my race for a war she didn't even fight in. Even if she doesn't find me attractive, I still like her a great deal as a friend. ...I don't want to lose that, especially not with Saren being as distant as he has been lately.

He exited the shower and got dressed silently, hoping his feelings hadn't ruined a good thing.

Ellen bit her lip, teeth cutting into the soft flesh so roughly that she drew blood. She tilted her head back against the wall of the shower, sprawled on the floor as her fingers worked furiously over her clit, a low moan rising in her throat. Her legs shook, her belly tightening as her climax drew closer.

Fuck, Nihlus. I never have any feelings for a male of my own species that have always shown interest in some form or another, but you come around and all you do is be nice to me and hug me, and I want nothing more than to have you mount me like a damned animal.

She hated herself right then as she bit her lip harder, sanguine fluid running down her chin from her biting back her sounds of pleasure. Her fingers flicked over her clit, her other hand cupping her modest breast as she rolled the pad of her thumb over her nipple. She was imagining him pounding into her, her imagination going wild on what a turian cock might look like. What was pushing her towards climax the most, however, was the thought of his teeth in her neck and his claws in her back, the thought of him growling her name as he bent her over the edge of a bed, a counter- anything- and claimed his dominance over her.

"N-Nihlus..." she groaned. "Fuck!"

Her back arched, toes curling as she moved her hand from her slit, cramming her fingers into her mouth to bite back her cries as she came, teeth clamping down on her knuckles. The soft earthy tang of her fluids flooded her mouth, mixing with the coppery salt sweet of her blood. As her orgasm slowed and faded, she licked her fingers clean in a haze.

"I can't keep doing this," she murmured, tongue flicking out and cleaning the red off her lips.

Not even bothering to get up from the floor of the shower, she reached over and grabbed her soap, hoping the fragrance would cover the scent of her lust.

Nihlus stared at the missive Sparatus had forwarded him, mandibles twitching. Sparatus observed him quietly, green eyes flicking over the Spectre, waiting for a reaction.

"A test of loyalty," Nihlus finally murmured.

Their mission had been reassigned to another Spectre. The missive stated their new objective, and the threats involved. Escorting the daughter of the Turian Primarch back to Palaven. Easy enough- withholding the fact that Fedorian's daughter was a spoiled young woman that didn't like humans or other females- but the other information made things tricky.

"Tenth Street Reds?" Nihlus asked, looking up, mandibles twitching. Sparatus narrowed his eyes.

"The gang that Shepard was a member of for a decade," he disclosed. "They're targeting Narisia. Your job is to make sure she's unharmed."

His green eyes, so similar to Nihlus', scrutinized the Spectre as he met his gaze.

"A simple enough task-" He paused. "If you went straight to Palaven."

Nihlus flared his mandibles.

"What are you saying, Councilor?"

"What he means, is that you'll be taking a pit stop. And a decoy."

Both turians turned to see Saren striding up to them, a female turian flanking his heels. Nihlus eyed the female, who met his gaze with calm, collected puce green eyes. Periwinkle markings, touched with a pastel blue, graced her dark grey, almost black plating. Nihlus looked at Saren curiously.

"Who is this?"

"I am Akilina Svecova," the female replied coolly, her mandibles flaring in the smallest of irritated snarls at being talked over as though she weren't there. "Spectre."

Nihlus studied her carefully.

"I've never met you, Akilina," he countered, receiving a smooth smile from her.

"Was only made a Spectre last year, Kryik," she replied calmly. "I've been in the Terminus Systems, handling Red Sand dealers trying to smuggle their goods into Council Space. That would be why."

"She will be your decoy," Saren continued, as though he hadn't been interrupted. "The Reds have a hit out on the Primarch's daughter. Akilina will be posing as Narisia to lure them out."

Nihlus gave Akilina another cursory once over- something the female noticed, but tolerated. She was the same height as Narisia, but her plates and skin were almost two shades darker than that of the Primarch's daughter. Not to mention-

"Her markings are not of the Primarch's clan," Nihlus protested, frowning. "The humans may not be able to tell the difference between two similarly colored Turian females, but they will notice her markings are not the same white ones."

"The Reds are actually covering this as expertly as a human terrorist group can," Saren sneered. "We let it slip which ship Narisia is leaving on- yours. Narisia will be wearing a hooded garment- enough for them to see the white on her mandibles and chin."

"Which I will paint on mine," Akilina finished. "Temporarily, of course, and I will accompany you on the pit stop, wearing the same garments."

Nihlus glanced at Saren, who stared back at him placidly. Only his cold blue eyes said anything, and it was nothing but amused contempt. Nihlus looked back at the datapad and pointed at a name.

"Who is this?"

Sparatus flicked a mandible.

"That's the name of the gang member assigned to take out Narisia," he retorted calmly, but his gaze was almost coy, teasing, mocking. "Your prot g knows him. Personally."

Nihlus flattened his mandibles, aware of the other three Turians gauging his reactions. When he looked back up, his expression was neutral.

"So you're wanting to know if she'll put aside her past for her job. Stand up for an alien and prove she can be unbiased," he stated.

"If she hesitates, we know where her loyalty lies," Saren hissed. "This isn't some random acquaintance of hers- that target is Eric Rogers, the brother of a woman known as Jesse Rogers. The woman who essentially raised Shepard during her time on Earth."

"A test of loyalty," Nihlus repeated with a sigh. Saren nodded, and Sparatus cleared his throat.

"This is why we are having Spectre Svecova going with you. If Shepard hesitates, Akilina can go into cover in an instant and finish the job for her."

Akilina practically preened under the Councilor's words, and Nihlus glanced at her.

"What combat role do you usually take?" He questioned.

"Infiltration," came her lilting reply. "I prefer subtlety and shots to the kidneys or headshots from a sniper rifle. Aside from my stunning good looks that I can dull down enough to look like Narisia, I'm best suited combat abilities-wise for this job."

Nihlus wasn't sure how to respond to that- Saren snorted softly, but his face showed little contempt for Akilina's vanity. If anything, he seemed amused by it. Nihlus simply nodded, going back over the datapad, trying not to smirk as he saw Saren flick his eyes in Akilina's direction- something the female noticed, but didn't react negatively to- in fact, much to Nihlus' surprise, she twitched a mandible in an unmistakable gesture of flirtation. Familiar flirtation.

Ah, Nihlus thought to himself. So the female he mentioned a while back exists. Good. Maybe if he gets a good lay before we leave, he'll be in a better mood. Old man probably hasn't had a good fuck in a while Would explain his pissy mood.

"If that's all, Councilor?" He inquired. Sparatus nodded.

"Narisia will be ready for departure tomorrow morning, and you will be making your pit stop on Illium."

"Thank you, Councilor."

With that, Nihlus turned on his toes and left the office, feeling Sparatus' eyes on his back. As he turned to shut the door behind him, Saren tore his eyes from Akilina long enough to look at him.

Later, his eyes seemed to say, even as Akilina trailed claws down his forearm in a very blatant invitation that had Saren's left mandible twitching in suppressed eagerness. Nihlus sighed and shot him a look back to say Sure, before heading back to the commons. He'd asked Ellen to meet him there for lunch. He still wanted to talk to her, to make sure things were okay between them. He hoped she wasn't upset with him for this morning.

Spirits, I hope she isn't, he thought as he encrypted the information regarding Shepard's former comrade, leaving only the information about Narisia viewable by anyone who looked at it. He felt a twinge of guilt hiding this from her, but he couldn't be biased or show favor towards her. Not yet. She wasn't a Spectre.

Yet, he thought as he stepped out of the elevator and headed for the "outdoor" tables. She's doing great so far, and I believe in her. She'll do fine.

He saw her sitting at the tables- impossible to miss that bright red hair shining in the simulated sunlight. He smiled and quickened his pace.

"Shepard!" He called.

Ellen turned her head, sun glinting on her fiery tresses, and her eyes lit up as she smiled at him, lifting a five fingered hand and waving at him. He trotted over to the table and sat in the chair closest to her instead of sitting across from her. To his relief, she didn't scoot her chair away from his closeness. He pulled the datapad out of his pocket and held it up.

"Got our new mission," he said, setting it on the table.

Ellen leaned close, not picking the datapad up, electing to simply run a finger over it, opening the missive. Nihlus bit back a small rumble as her arm pressed against his, his mandibles flaring as he caught her scent- warm musk, with a hint of a delicate floral, but edged with the ozone-rich scent of her biotics, and spiced with what he could only place as clove, a spice from Earth that he liked the smell of. Ellen didn't notice his eyes glazing over as he took in her fragrance, her sharp eyes reading over the mission. Her eyes narrowed, and Nihlus shook his head, coming alert again.

"Seems too simple," she said, glancing up at him, a frown knitting on her eyebrows. Nihlus swallowed. He knew she'd smell something off. She was raised on suspicion and learned from a young age to smell trouble from a mile away.

"That's because it isn't," churred a now familiar voice, Akilina approaching their table.

Nihlus would have complained, or hissed that he wanted time alone with his prot g , but Akilina was alone. Saren wasn't with her to agitate him or Ellen. He flattened his mandibles, protest dying in his throat.

"Ellen, this is Akilina Svecova."

Ellen lifted a brow, then held out her hand. Akilina didn't hesitate, taking the human's hand and shaking it warmly. She gestured to an empty chair.

"Might I sit?" She inquired.

Ellen shrugged- a gesture that Nihlus had known as confusion, but with humans- Ellen especially- he had learned that the shrug of her left shoulder was a gesture of apathy. Akilina looked at Nihlus, who motioned for her to sit. Ellen held up her hands.

"Sorry, used to Nihlus getting my body language. I meant I didn't care," she explained. Akilina churred again and sat down.

"I see," she replied. "I am still unused to human body language, but I am always glad to learn more cues. Better understanding helps with diplomacy."

Ellen lifted a crimson brow at her, looking her over. She'd never seen a female turian before, and Akilina was, to put it simply, beautiful. She was leaner, much more lithe than Nihlus, but of the same height. Her skin was a dark charcoal grey, and her plates were a few shades short of black. Her hooded eyes were a bright puce green, and her face was adorned with periwinkle markings that had touches of pastel blue. The tip of each prong of her graceful fringe was banded in the two colors, and her graceful, sweeping mandibles were adorned with the same. She wore a black outfit similar to the black suit she'd seen Saren wear, but with no patterns or adornments, save for the Spectre badge pinned to her cloak like a brooch. The female Spectre drummed her claws idly, and Ellen couldn't help but notice her ungloved claws glittered with a razor sharp edge, and that they were much longer than Nihlus'- they were almost as long as Saren's, and he had terrifyingly long talons.

"Akilina is going to be going with us," Nihlus muttered, avoiding being overheard by a passing waiter. "She's going to be a decoy for Narisia."

Ellen felt her heart drop in her chest, and she looked back at the missive, trying to look absorbed by it. Surely Nihlus would be far more interested in spending his time with a female of his own race, especially as rare as they were- Ellen had never seen one til now, and Chellick had made many comments about how he wished there were more single females on the Citadel. She kept her face deadpan and looked at Nihlus.

"So we're purposely stopping somewhere to provoke an attack and see how I can handle it?" She asked, her eyebrow still lifted, but it was lifted more in a mix of exasperation and curiosity now.

"More or less," Nihlus agreed. Ellen suddenly had another panicked thought.

"...Saren's not coming, is he?"

Akilina laughed, a pleasant throaty sound.

"No. He's actually not allowed. He has little patience for uppity young females, and Narisia is a picture perfect example of an uppity, privileged young female. The two would be at each other's throats the entire way."

Ellen felt a surge of relief, both at the fact that Saren wasn't coming, and at the fact that Akilina was getting up. She bowed her head at the both of them.

"Just wanted to stop by and get a glance of your cute prot g , Nihlus. I'll board The Serenata shortly. For now I have... something to see to," she rumbled, winking at Ellen and striding off. Ellen blinked, suddenly confused.

"Wait. Is she...?"

Nihlus laughed.

"Akilina prefers turian men, but she has a taste for non-turian females. Asari, especially, but she's never tried a human. So I guess it's safe to say she's heterosexual with her own race, but homosexual when it comes to her tastes in aliens," he chuckled.

"So you've known her a while, I take it?" Ellen asked, pushing the datapad back at him. Nihlus shook his head.

"She's ah... well. I never knew her name, but... Saren mentioned her before. He mentioned an on-again off-again lover of his that liked indulging in xenophiliac trysts with females. She and Saren exchanged a look, and I thought that she might be the same person, but her scent was a dead give-away. She reeks of the old man. He most likely jumped her today at one point. It's undoubtedly where she's going now."

Ellen turned red, rubbing the back of her neck and looking away.

"Ah," she finally managed. Nihlus chuckled.

"So. Lunch?"

Ellen smiled, looking relieved at the change of subject.

"Yes. Please," she replied. Nihlus smiled at her, and decided things were okay for now- he'd talk to her later this evening.

"So. Want to watch another vid tonight? Might be the last chance we get before the brat comes on board," he quipped, mandibles flaring as he handed his order to the waiter. Ellen smiled at him again.

"That sounds good. Can I pick this time?"

"What'd you have in mind?" Nihlus asked, taking a sip of his water. Ellen grinned.

"Really old vid. Really cheesy, but a classic. Back from 1979," she answered. "Really kick ass protagonist."

"1979? Really? That's old!" Nihlus exclaimed. "What vid is this?"

"Alien," Ellen chuckled. "Mankind's thoughts on what might be out there. Thankfully, we were very wrong."

"Who's the protagonist?" Nihlus inquired, leaning back so the waiter could set their plates down.

As the waiter left, he picked up a strip of meat off his plate and put it in his mouth, barely chewing before tilting his had back and letting it slide down his throat. Ellen made no comment on how he ate, digging into her own lunch- a BLT. She was used to seeing him eat, and knew that his gizzard would do most of the work for him. Ellen wiped her mouth and set her sandwich down. Nihlus eyed it. Despite being levo, and having the possibility of making him very sick, it looked very good, and smelled even better. One thing he hated about being dextro-based was the fact that bacon was one thing he could never try, and it was the best smelling thing humans ate.

"Ellen Ripley," came the reply, green eyes glittering at him in mirth. He laughed, then picked up another strip of meat and swallowing it.

"Sounds good. I'll watch it with you, sure."

Ellen made a happy sound and began devouring her lunch. Nihlus eyed her sandwich enviously again, and the two of them ate their lunch in companionable silence. Once they were done, Nihlus paid the bill and got up.

"I have to see Saren, but take the rest of the day off," he offered. "Go take care of anything you need, see friends, whatever, and I'll see you back on the ship."

Ellen nodded, then after giving his shoulder a playful smack, she made her way to the wards. Nihlus watched her go fondly, then sighed and headed for the Presidium apartments to see Saren.

-  
>Nihlus paused outside Saren's apartment. He was unsure if Akilina was in there with him or not- the last thing he wanted was to interrupt one last tryst before Akilina went out of reach. He didn't hear anything outside. It didn't necessarily mean that nothing was going on- he'd walked in on Saren before. Saren was not a vocal lover.<p>

A sudden screech made Nihlus draw back from the door. Apparently, Akilina was the vocal lover of the two. He paced a bit, then sent a message to Saren's omnitool.

'Whenever you're done, I'm in the hallway.'

It didn't take long. Another keen sounded and five minutes later, Saren came to the door, wearing only a pair of pants, fresh scratches welling with blue blood on his chest, shoulders and neck. Nihlus made no comment on Saren's state of undress or the new wounds. He was surprised Saren had allowed Akilina to bite and claw at him, though- Saren wasn't usually the type to allow himself to be marked, especially on his neck. Nihlus raised a brow plate, but he knew better than to comment on his friend and mentor's love life.

"You wanted to see me?" He asked, saying nothing as Akilina trailed across the hallway from the bedroom to the bathroom, winking at him before disappearing from view. She was much worse for wear than Saren, with scars on her sides that were undoubtedly from previous trysts- good infiltrators never got scars like that in combat. Saren didn't so much as flick a mandible as he watched Nihlus take in the scene before finally moving from the door, inviting him in.

"I had a concern, Nihlus," he finally confided to the younger turian as he led the way to the living room and lounging on the couch. Nihlus politely sat down on the far end, giving Saren his space, despite wanting nothing more than to keep standing.

"What is it?" Nihlus asked, trying not to look at the bite marks on Saren's neck.

Saren leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he tilted his head slightly, his eyes locking with Nihlus'. Nihlus was silent, letting Saren come out with it on his own- Saren Arterius was not a turian to be rushed when he was calculating his words. As Saren weighed his options, mulled over his possible replies, Nihlus subtly studied the older male's face. He wasn't sure what Saren was up to lately, but his appearance lately was... disconcerting. Bits of metal were affixed to his mandibles, and the left of which was attached by metal tubing- and lacked the mobility of the right. Nihlus wasn't sure what to make of it. Had it been torn off in an accident, or combat, and was reattached? Not a question to ask- Saren was vain, like most turians, but exceedingly so. Asking about his mandible would undoubtedly earn a rage fueled smack to the face.

Saren finally made a soft sound.

"You. Reek," he stated simply. Nihlus blinked.

"I had a shower this morning. I don't know what you're on about," he retorted. Saren snorted, folding his hands under his chin, his long claws glinting cruelly.

"You reek because you smell of that human. Shepard," he sneered. "Are you getting close, Nihlus? I know you like Asari- is the human a new exotic treat in your varied sexual diet?"

Nihlus said nothing, refusing to rise to Saren's bait, because it wasn't true. He and Ellen were close, but her reaction that morning had put a stop to any ideas of getting closer. Saren's eyes glittered coldly, studying his face closely.

"You know getting involved voids your professional relationship and disqualifies you as a fitting mentor to evaluate her skills," he admonished. "You know if that happens, she falls to me."

Nihlus growled, despite the attempt to stop it.

"You'd get her killed or make sure she failed- even get her in trouble by pinning something you'd do on her," he snapped, getting to his feet as his anger rose in his chest. Saren didn't get up, smug triumph practically radiating from him as Nihlus rose to his goading.

"Awfully defensive, Nihlus," he hissed softly, tapping a claw on the back of the opposite hand under his chin before leaning back, still affixing him with a scrutinizing stare.

"She's competent, experienced. She may not always think in a level headed manner, but she gets the job done, and cares about her objectives, regardless of race. She stayed up all night with an Asari ambassador's daughter, making sure she didn't have nightmares. She thinks on her feet and is good with a weapon and in melee. She's resilient and knows when to back down, or make a final push," Nihlus ranted, making fists at his sides in an attempt to keep from snarling at Saren.

"You don't like humans. That's fine. But I believe she can do this. I won't let your false accusations put doubts in my mind, Saren."

Saren chuckled, a low, dark sound in his chest.

"Such frustration. Perhaps you aren't involved after all. If you've gone that long without, Nihlus, I wouldn't mind if you had a go at Akilina," he snickered. "I can be generous."

Nihlus hissed.

"I'm leaving. I don't need your charity, and I won't treat a female like property," he growled. Saren got up, narrowing his eyes.

"Fine. Go back to your ship, but I'm warning you, Nihlus. If you get involved, you will regret it. Now get out."

Nihlus didn't need to be asked twice, already turning and leaving before the last three words left Saren's augmented mouth.


End file.
